let's just say, i quit my job in february with a lot of horrible stuff surrounding my reason, and it wasn't until yesterday that i finally felt some closure. not 100% yet, but i'm hoping i'll have my final answer before the end of the year so i can start 2010 fresh!
2009, my 25th year, was the single worst one i've had to live. quarter life crisis? i don't know a better phrase for what i've been going through. from going through hell at work to leaving my job, to being forced out of my apt by a ridiculous roommate, to moving in with my boyfriend and his mom after only 6 months of dating, from job searching, to short term contracts, to more job searching, to wanting to move and being unable due to short term contracts, it's been an emotional rollar coaster.
i've been trying to overcome all the crap, and think of all the good things that came from this year.
i've said it so many times, but i really honestly would not have made it without Justin by my side. i was so scared that the jumble of living together so soon would destroy us, but we pulled through together and have come out so strong and so happy. after this whirlwind of a year, we know we can get through anything as long as we have each other.
this year also brought my mom and i so much closer. we've had a boxing match relationship for as long as i can remember, but this year was a huge change for us. she stuck by me and believed in me when i needed her the most. she trusted my judgement when i wasn't sure i should trust it myself. and she reminds me everyday that it's worth the fight.
after barely speaking for the last 7 years, my dad and i finally sat down and hashed it out. we said everything that needed to be said, even if we knew it would hurt. we said everything that we were angry about, and instead of arguing about feelings, we finally got to a point where we both understood where the other person was coming from. we're not quite back to the way we used to be, but we're getting there, and it feels good.
i started this blog, and through it have gotten to know so many amazing people. i've been expanding my social network and branching out of my comfort zone. i'm opening up to the world, finally putting my feelings out there and i look forward to seeing where it goes. i think about BloggersinSinCity and what it would mean if i actually came up with the courage to head out there by myself. i can't even explain what a huge accomplishment this would be for me, the girl who had a panic attack going to the gym by herself.
i feel like i'm coming out of this year a different person. i feel more independent, mature, and confident. i finally have confidence in myself and my decisions. i'm trusting my own judgement and realizing that i do deserve to be happy. i finally realize that i don't need reassurance from other people to know that i'm doing the right thing. i don't need "them" to believe me, for me to know that i'm telling the truth.
i'm coming out of this year changed for the better. i tried to start my year of epic-ness back in August, but there was still so much more crap to go through that i just couldn't concentrate on the good. now that i'm finally reaching a point of moving on, i feel like i can start over.
tomorrow is the last big thing in 2009. the thing that will determine where and how i will start the new year over. will i stay in pittsburgh? or head back to erie? i'm still not sure what i want, but i finally trust myself to make the right decision when the time comes.
<3
